hello. i have a big problem with you. namely, you suck. at absolutely everything. sports, the arts, academics... you're awful. you think you're good, but you're really not. every school in cedar rapids has a reason for its existence. prairie is for the farmers. wash is the original school so it's legit. kennedy of course needs to be there for the northsiders. gotta have linn-mar and marion of course as well, i mean marion has high schoolers too. and the catholics need a place to go to which means xavier is necessary.
but that leaves that one ugly, dirty, disgusting joke of a school that they call Thomas Jefferson High School. the main reason that it sucks is its location. if there is a definitive center of the "white trash zone" in cedar rapids, it is jefferson. it is also impossible to get to. but this is for a good reason. when they first built it, the architects realized that they had made a terrible mistake in even first building it. they begged the school district to let them tear it down, but the district said "no, we have to have at least one school that just really, really, really sucks." so to prevent anyone from the horrors of actually having to go there, they tucked it away in one of the least accessible spots in the whole city. then put it on some hill. then made it into 2 different buildings so you could escape more easily! but it wasnt enough. today, hundreds of high schoolers are forced to suffer in the dungeon-like conditions on a daily basis.
another reason why jeff sucks an obscene amount is the smugness of their students as well as their parents. for example, jeff beat xavier in football this season. now this is also legit. i mean xavier is a fantastic football team. [to make things clear, oliver jorge doesn't actually agree with this. oliver jorge still believes in the kennedy football team even if they got beat by xavier] but you would have thought that this meant jeff won state. they won 4 games the whole year! finishing the year 4-6. but it was still a success for jeff. for the record xavier finished 8-4. moral of this story is: jefferson is the best if by best you mean worst possible ever of all time in history.
also show choir. now im just ranting but bear with me. jeff beat xavier last saturday. by one point. and you would have thought again that jefferson had returned to their glory days when they were the best show choir in the country. but no they still got 7th place. AKA they still do suck even when they get lucky. not to mention that last year, jeff beat xavier at Benton and talked a ridiculous amount of trash about it for two weeks, only to get dominated by xavier at the Kennedy competition later on. then they shut up. at least they can still do that. their parents are much worse though. see, i think this can mostly be attributed to the fact that jeff used to be good at stuff. i mentioned show choir already... band too right? i think so... basketball to a certain extent. now they blow at absolutely everything.
i honestly consider myself to be a lesser person because i have simply set foot inside of jefferson high school. if there is an opposite to a Chuck Norris joke, it is a Jefferson High School joke. travesties such as global warming, the economic slowdown, and mandatory pep band can all be attributed directly to jefferson.
so like the title says, quit now and save yourself. actually its too late. but still, quit now. youre embarassing us.
sincerely,
-the whole world
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